Thinking out Loud | 002
I was looking back at my training logs the other day. You know how it goes. You start with the numbers, but then you remember the feeling of certain runs.
One week from last November stood out immediately. I remembered those miles vividly. It was one of those days where you’re fighting a relentless headwind the entire time. Every mile feels like two. Your lungs are burning, your legs are churning, and you are putting in real, honest effort. Then you look at your watch and the pace tells a completely different story.
You’re battling something that refuses to give anything back.
That’s exactly what life feels like when you settle for being a secondary person.
I’m done with that.
This year, I’m cleaning house. Not the physical kind, though my garage absolutely needs it. I’m talking about the internal kind. I’m shedding the habit of sticking around places where I’m not valued.
I’m nobody’s backup plan.
I’m not a second-choice type of person.
That isn’t ego. It’s clarity.
The Guy in the Arena
I realized a long time ago that I’m not a secondary type guy. I don’t wait in the wings. I don’t wait for permission. I lead from the front.
I take ownership. I show up. I do the work when no one is watching. That’s how I train. That’s how I work. That’s how I live.
So why would I accept a dynamic where I’m an afterthought?
We lie to ourselves about this all the time. We call it patience or flexibility when we stay in spaces where we aren’t a priority. But it isn’t flexibility. It’s a slow leak.
It’s like running on a nagging injury. You feel that small twinge and convince yourself you can push through it. But you aren’t fixing anything. You’re just compromising your form and setting yourself up for a bigger breakdown later.
I learned that lesson the hard way.
I’m a respect and value me or don’t bother person.
“Or don’t bother” isn’t harsh. It’s efficient. It’s protective. And it has nothing to do with ego. It’s about energy. It’s like a good pair of trail shoes that keeps you from slipping in the mud.
Respect is consistency and honesty. Doing what you said you would do.
Value is showing, not saying, that someone’s time and effort actually matter.
Anything else is just static on the radio. And I’m tired of the noise.
High performers learn this lesson the hard way. If you’re reading Running Ape, there’s a good chance you’re one of them. We tend to carry everyone else’s pack. We think we can outwork a bad relationship or a one sided friendship. We think if we just run a little harder, someone else will finally meet us where we are.
They won’t. And that’s okay.
They have their pace. I don’t have to slow mine to match it.
Chasing the Edge
Is it selfish to pursue goals and keep chasing your limits? Maybe.
Maybe it’s me pushing back against age. Maybe it’s me fighting ambiguity. Or maybe it’s just who I’ve always been.
I don’t think balance really exists. There’s only adjustment.
Think of it like a mixing board. Some seasons the dials turn toward work. Other seasons they turn toward family. And other seasons they turn toward the quiet, lonely work of finding out what you’re still capable of.
I’m not apologetic for who I’ve become.
I handle my business. I carry responsibility. I show up when it’s cold, when it’s raining, and when it’s inconvenient. And yes, sometimes the dials need to be adjusted to create a healthier rhythm. That’s growth.
But this intensity, this drive, this refusal to live halfway. That’s who I am.
Alignment Over Proximity
I learned a lot this past year.
Some of it came through long miles. Some of it came through silence. Most of it came from paying attention to what drained me versus what actually gave something back.
If you’re getting mixed signals, stop chasing. Default to no.
This next year is about embracing my value fully.
As a partner.
As a father.
As a boss.
As a coach.
As a friend.
And using that same lens for who I allow in my life.
I’m not perfect. I mess up (all the time). But I have a clear understanding of who and what I am. That clarity didn’t come from comfort. It came from consistency, ownership, and honest reflection.
The work doesn’t change. I’ll still do the hard miles. I’ll still lead with integrity.
What changes is access.
This year is about alignment over proximity. Depth over obligation. Effort met with effort.
I’m not a secondary type guy because I don’t live like one.
And you shouldn’t either.
